I'd like to be pimps from Oakland or cowboys from Arizona but it's not Halloween. Grow up Peter Pan, Count Chocula. — John Beckwith
The midpoint of Semana Santa has arrived, and with it, more families occupy the Finca. I am beginning to go crazy with the loud sounds of children screaming, babies crying, temper tantrums and that’s just the staff, don’t even get me started with the guests. I know my fellow coworkers will appreciate that. The days pass quickly and the nights have become more entertaining with the barrage of new faces.
Tonight, I am in for a very interesting awakening as I am introduced to one of the few local guests that speaks very broken English, but being quite proud of his bilingual skills I try to communicate with him–emphasis on the word try. As music plays in the background, my newfound amigo, Cesar, works with the persistence of an Amway salesman as he tries to set me up with his sixteen year-old niece, Nicole. Yes, sixteen fricken years-old yo! How old do people in Guatemala think I am? Completely dumbfounded by this gesture and not wanting to be rude I politely decline. This does nothing. Calling her over to sit next to me several times, Nicole obediently takes a seat across from me smiling and doesn’t speak a word of English. Attempting to play matchmaker and communicator, Cesar brings the uncomfortable awkwardness level to match that of being caught with your pants down pooping along the side of a dirt road as a school bus full of children pull up and you are left with nothing but your shame. To be clear, this truthful analogy is not about me, but for close friends and the person I am referring to it is one of the best stories of all-time, and we thank you for it. (breaking for much laughter). Cesar’s reluctance continues all night long until I finally resign for the evening, feeling as though I need a hot shower after such an ordeal even though I was the innocent victim. Maybe they will make a Lifetime movie of the week about my horrendous ordeal…I have yet to begin cashing in on my television connections.