Be more concerned with your character than your reputation, because your character is what you really are, while your reputation is merely what others think you are. – Coach John Wooden
San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua (#SJDS)
Monday, April 8, 2013 (DAYS 400 - 405)
Today, I awoke feeling a bit saddened to be leaving a place that I have called home for close to 10-months–a place where friends became more like family; a place that has helped me to grow to be a stronger person; a place that has taught me that I can be stronger than ever by examining more closely the value of genuine friendships that is without limitations–and with this realization I have decided like many other travelers, there comes a time to move on. It was no secret to anyone, especially Marc, my former business partner and Co-Manager of The Surfing Donkey hostel, as well as everyone in town that my last day in San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua would be August 12th, which is just a few days after my friend Taylor is expected to arrive, and I am trying to enjoy each day with both local friends and those that are working at hostels and/or planning to stick around a while.
Today, I awoke feeling a bit saddened to be leaving a place that I have called home for close to 10-months–a place where friends became more like family; a place that has helped me to grow to be a stronger person; a place that has taught me that I can be stronger than ever by examining more closely the value of genuine friendships that is without limitations–and with this realization I have decided like many other travelers, there comes a time to move on. It was no secret to anyone, especially Marc, my former business partner and Co-Manager of The Surfing Donkey hostel, as well as everyone in town that my last day in San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua would be August 12th, which is just a few days after my friend Taylor is expected to arrive, and I am trying to enjoy each day with both local friends and those that are working at hostels and/or planning to stick around a while.
Sophie Merkens captured this perfect, after opening gifts that we exchanged we performed a group cannonball into the pool - Christmas morning 2012 (Left to Right: Lali, Benny, Marc, Andy, Adam, *yours truly, and Dan)
At one point, while enjoying maybe my last sunset at the Naked Tiger hostel with my friend Antonio and a few others, he pulled me aside and privately asked me if part of the reason I was leaving was because of the betrayal of both Dan and Marc? Hesitating just a bit, because Dan was wandering around in the background and I think this was why Antonio purposely pulled me aside more privately. After pausing for a few moments from his question, I had to answer him honestly by telling him that, "yes," the actions and hurtful words from this duo that is destined for failure has definitely played into my decision, but even with that, I told him I was also ready to move on. Maybe this is a blessing in disguise as they say, but it is a bit hard to see the larger picture while living in the moment, but I knew it was the right time, even if I would have preferred different circumstances.
Open Mic Night at Hostel PachaMama (some of the best memories here)
What I loved is the hostel staff from all of the other hostels would constantly drop in on each other's places and we really were a GIANT Hostel Family! This is some of the girls from Iceland, Solveig Óskarsdóttir and sadly I forget the other name (YIKES) that worked at Pacha that we would see pretty much daily! Either at our hostel, theirs, or Naked Tiger.
Just a few days after returning from South America, everyone in town realized that Dan and Marc had been not just secretly, but purposely and strategically went about conducting a very deceitful plan through their dealings with Henry, an older American businessman and owner of Iguana's Restaurant and Bar, by also being convinced to help start up another competing hostel just nearby Hostel PachaMama. This angered so many people because of the way they went about opening this competing business, by deceiving the other hostel managers, staff, and owners that we were ALL an entire community living in San Juan together, supporting one another even amid competing similar businesses. Primarily because we all recognized that we were friends regardless of the traditional competitive business nature, but Dan and Marc took things to an entirely new level by going in to these businesses and asking questions about how they operate and conduct their businesses, which had been in operation for several years and they had worked hard to establish this goal. Both Gio and Alex (owners of Pacha), and Ryan, and Megan (owners of Naked Tiger) assumed that they were asking questions about their business contacts for our hostel, The Surfing Donkey, and when the eruption of confirmed rumors came spilling out that they were actually opening a new hostel, these wonderful owners felt completely betrayed by people they considered friends. Over the next few days the spiral of lies continued to unravel ten-fold and even when they were confronted and questioned they still continued to lie DIRECTLY to the faces of those they hurt the most. I particularly felt for Gio, while the other owners and hostel staff were obviously completely pissed off, Gio took a different approach as he was more quiet from being in absolute shock and just extremely hurt and confused by their actions. And even when he tried confronting Marc, one day while Saf and I were hanging out at Pacha, Gio was just outside talking with Marc and eventually he couldn't take the lies continuing to spew forth from Marc's mouth, and I'll never forget it, but Gio just had to walk away, because later he said that he talked with his friends and others around town, being Nicaraguan himself, and knew the entire truth. This was that defining moment that you often hear people speak of where they have an opportunity to truly demonstrate the level of their genuine character, and at this defining moment, it was completely transparent. Sadly, but expectedly this was the beginning of so-called hostel or business wars, which sadly and abruptly changed the entire dynamic of this close-knit family style community. I just hope that over time things can return, not just as a wonderful backpacking beach town, but a place where we were a giant international family, where some members were more short-term than others, but it was a place where amazing ideas and friendships were forged, and now my last few days are spent overhearing all of the hurtful things that continue to be realized and even worse, confirmed.
The 'Pro Donkeys' while we were still a tight family on Christmas morning 2012 (Left to Right: Lali, Marc, Dan, Andy, Me, Molly, Saf aka Honey Badger, and Benny)
I had to fight tooth & nail to convince Marc to hire Chris
Earlier in the evening of my last night I spoke with Marc, which was about the only chance I could because he was rarely in the hostel and had moved out of the facility while I was in South America for the past month. I asked him directly if we could please have a quick catch-up before I left to discuss our business and the money he owed me, because I had reviewed the schedule and noticed that he was scheduled to work the morning shift (7am-12pm), and not even being able to look me in the eye really, he reluctantly agreed as he walked away. This is in part because he knew he owed me more than $1,500 from operating the business while I was away and this was confirmed through several staff members and other sources, which I kept close records of, since sadly I started to have my own doubts about him in the few weeks leading up to my departure. In my mind I knew that I was never going to see this money, but I wanted the opportunity to confront him about it, because I felt that it was highly important to find out what’s been going on with him and the negative changes I’ve seen in him over the past several months.
"Help us convince Chris to become a Pro Donkey"
The morning I woke up and was ready to leave, Marc was behind the bar at the hostel reception knowing full-well that Chris and I had made plans to have breakfast, mainly because this was a rare amount of free time for Chris since he not only was he a staff member at the Surfing Donkey, but was also volunteering with the Barrio Planta Project teaching English to local children in the community. I wanted to pause here for a moment, because I feel that I cannot say enough wonderful things about Chris. First of all, he is only 19-years-old but one of the most mature, intelligent, hardworking, dedicated, and genuine people I had a chance to meet, and I feel privileged to call him a great friend! One very crazy thing to me, was that I had to argue with Marc several times to bring him on as a staff member, which Marc constantly wanted to play the 'Alpha-Male' role even though our agreement was always a 50/50 understanding on all decisions made. I didn't let this discourage met but continued to fight hard to get him to work at the hostel, which even I had to convince Chris, thus the sidewalk chalk writing on the bar stating: "HELP US CONVINCE CHRIS TO BECOME A PRO DONKEY, " wherein I told him that I would post this to the hostel Facebook page and that if it even receives only five LIKES, then he had to commit. After our short breakfast of only about 45-minutes before Chris had to begin his volunteer teaching, upon my return expecting to speak with Marc, there was no sign of him to be found! Immediately, our cleaner Marta quickly walked up to me knowing that I was leaving that day also, and she told me that as soon as Chris and I had left for breakfast Marc literally sprinted out of the hostel, before requesting or demanding that Emily stand-in for him knowing that I was packed and had zero intention of extending or delaying my time just to try and confront someone that was so extremely cowardice. Marta kept telling me over and over what a "bandido" Marc is and that he is not a good person.
Surfing Donkey Hostel Co-Manager, back in the good ole days!
Unconcerned with his lack of 'being a man and facing me like one,' I knew that I would message him later and express my feelings of disappointment in him. One positive memory that does that does stand out very clearly occurred few days before, where I had one of the greatest moments that I was fortunate to have been able to share with our local cleaner Marta, because she approached me and asked what I was going to do with the queen-sized bed I had purchased almost five-months ago for $125USD. Since the hostel beds were horrific monstrosities that consisted of barely two-inches of foam padding over loose wooden slates and even when doubling or tripling these foam pads-up, they just caused a taco effect that would end up swallowing you whole. She continued to tell me that the hostel does not own the bed since I purchased it with my own money, and I could easily see where she was going with this, but before I would let her ask to purchase or even be given it, I asked her if she would like to have it. As I did this she began crying and gave me the biggest hug! I can’t tell you how great that felt! Other people around town told me before, that I could easily sell this bed since queen size beds were hard to come by, but I felt that it would be better to give this away to someone that would appreciate it so much more, than for me to make a few bucks off of it. And even now, I still feel that I made the right decision, especially when the average monthly wage for Nicaraguans is around $160 USD and that is typically working six-days a week. Lastly, because I also felt for Gio, he and Alex were kind enough to allow me to try and sell my surf board at Pacha, but since there were no offers I told him that I'd like to donate it to their hostel, but with the promise that he would continue to Pay-It-Forward since they would often take some of the local children out on their beach shuttles and offer free surfing lessons. Of course he agreed, and I was very proud to also help maybe ease the level of disappointment we sadly shared.
If you look at what you have in life, you'll always have more. If you look at what you don't have in life, you'll never have enough. – Author Unknown
Marc Noonan
Spending more time outside of my hostel, catching up with friends, it was impossible for topic of what Marc and Dan had done to not be brought up constantly. Oftentimes, it seemed like guests or other hostel staff were more upset than the other owners. Through all of the talks that I overheard, everyone agreed that if they were just honest from the beginning about their intentions they would have had the support and encouragement from the other hostels and pretty much all of the other businesses. But, because of their decisions and actions this created such a rift in town that even if you weren't part of a hostel, because Henry had quite a bit of influence, but also not the best reputation either, it seemed as though businesses and individuals began to choose sides, and most were forming an alliance against Marc, Dan, and Henry. Even still, my last few days I spent going around to each of the hostels and personally apologizing for their actions, mainly because I was associated with them, and every time I did this everyone’s response was great because they assured me that I had nothing to apologize for, because this was all their doing and I had been away for the past month while they were conspiring and planning, but in some ways we all agreed that eventually this will come back on them, whether sooner or later. Again it saddens me that even among the wonderful backpacking community, where most of us have not necessarily rejected material possessions, but we have learned that relationships are much more valuable than personal gain and to see that both Marc and Dan were so calculating in carrying out their deceitful plans by choosing greed and personal gain over being genuine and people of integrity was very sad and hard to see as someone that tends to classify myself as a so-called 'backpacker,' that while we are in many ways a subculture, most of us have a great understanding and appreciation for relying upon one another - complete strangers often times, but again, if you're going to make your bed, then you're also going to sleep in it, and I feel that they are going to have some real issues ahead of them, and in some ways I'm glad that I'm not going to be around.
Surfing Donkey Hostel
Grace from New Yawk!
Not allowing, nor wanting what is currently happening in San Juan to leave a bitter taste in my mouth, I am extremely thankful to have a new friend, Grace, a fiery Latina from New Yawk, whom I met in Costa Rica a few days earlier, as my newest partner in crime during all of this swirling drama. It’s sad that I didn’t even want to be around my own hostel for the last week, but I purposely made it a point to enjoy time with all of my other friends around town and this also allowed me to stay clear of this tsunami wave of negative energy that could be felt throughout the entire property. As I waited for Taylor to arrive, we spent a great amount of time together talking and sharing in our American sarcasm about random things since she had THE very stereotypical East Coast-New York attitude and spunk for life. This was a welcomed breath of fresh air and helped to bring laughter during a time of uncomfortable feelings that often soared with high-levels of emotion.
Saying goodbye to some amazing friends (most of which worked at either Naked Tiger Hostel or PachaMama Hostel), the week before leaving SJDS also coincided with Bri's birthday at the Surf Ranch
On my last day as I went all over town to say my goodbyes, I felt that the best compliment I could receive was that everyone told me that I would truly be missed and that San Juan just wouldn’t be the same without me. Awe, such wonderful friends I’ve made in this small beach town. Since I’ve known Krista the longest we decided to go to dinner together where Taylor and Chloe joined us. The conversation was lively as we reminisced over the past 10-months, but we also knew that there was no reason for proper goodbyes, as we would see each other again by making plans to meet up in Panama in a few short weeks. When I went to say goodbye to Megan at Naked Tiger, she was so kind and gave me a free shirt and I couldn’t tell her enough how much she will be missed as well. Ironically, on my last night I found myself hanging out with the entire crew from PachaMama and only a few members from my hostel staff–once again this can be attributed to the string of lies that Marc had so very negatively tried to tarnish my reputation while I was away for the past month in South America–but it was reassuring to know that those that knew me, especially after the actual truth of the matter became public, this was just a shameful and sad way to try and deflect the enormous web of lies Marc and Dan were creating. Sitting outside with the cool Pacific breeze blowing in softly, I mentioned to Alex, one of the owners of Pacha, that I wanted to drop by in the morning before I left and purchase a hat to support their business. Without any hesitation, his attitude was so extremely kind as he turned to Rosario, their manager, and he told her that when I came in the next morning to give me a free shirt and a free hat! I gave him a big hug and told him he didn’t have to do that, but he insisted and I was just happy to be surrounded by such wonderful friends. I can't say enough to about Kas, as she was also there to give me plenty of words of encouragement and support. Once again I think we were all just so upset at how it wasn't just about hurt feelings, but it DRAMATICALLY changed the entire vibe of this amazing community.
Surfing Donkey Hostel
For 10–days leading up to my departure Marc avoided me every chance he got, and so unfortunately this was the only way I could share my true feelings about the situation and the friend he used to be to me with hopes that he might see how his actions hurt so many people. I even made it a point that he was one of the first people I told upon my return from South America that I was planning to leave San Juan and had an exact date and this would not be extended, but I would appreciate a moment to sit down and speak with him face-to-face, but with that said I also wasn't going to spend my final week try to chase him down.
Marc Noonan
Therefore, as I mentioned even before my travels, that not only will I be sharing the good and amazing things through my travels round the world, but also the negative ones as well. This was the exact message that I sent to him via Facebook, since he sidestepped me every chance he could leading up to my departure and was sent just one or two days after I left San Juan, while I was at another friend's hostel that I got to know the owner and manager in Costa Rica, here is what I had to say:
"Hi Marc,
Since we did not have a chance to speak because you were constantly avoiding me for the entire week prior to my departure, I just wanted to drop you a message and tell you that I truly miss the friendship that we had, but I feel that you have changed dramatically over the past several months. I was hoping to have this conversation in person, but feel as though you were avoiding it. While I am still curious about where exactly the profits from our business went while I was in South America for a month that I am entitled to as one of the co-founders and co-owners of our business, I feel the more important question for you to answer is the one concerning your slipping integrity and character. I have other entrepreneurial business dealings in the works now, and feel that if you would have continued to be truthful and honest with me as we agreed at the beginning having all decisions to be split equally (50/50) and communicating all decisions together, that you would have had the opportunity to be a part of these.
I do not say these things to hurt you, but I feel that as a friend I just want you to take a very close look at what you have been doing and how it has affected your standing within the community that you are planning to live in for several years. Towards the end of my time in SJDS your reputation has become very negative around town in the business dealings and the way you have gone about it.
I feel that since I do not want to see any harm come to you that you should know I had several local guys search me out and talk to me about how they really do not like you, actually borderline hate you, and feel as though you have placed a rather large target on your head and I want you to be safe and tread lightly because of this.
"Hi Marc,
Since we did not have a chance to speak because you were constantly avoiding me for the entire week prior to my departure, I just wanted to drop you a message and tell you that I truly miss the friendship that we had, but I feel that you have changed dramatically over the past several months. I was hoping to have this conversation in person, but feel as though you were avoiding it. While I am still curious about where exactly the profits from our business went while I was in South America for a month that I am entitled to as one of the co-founders and co-owners of our business, I feel the more important question for you to answer is the one concerning your slipping integrity and character. I have other entrepreneurial business dealings in the works now, and feel that if you would have continued to be truthful and honest with me as we agreed at the beginning having all decisions to be split equally (50/50) and communicating all decisions together, that you would have had the opportunity to be a part of these.
I do not say these things to hurt you, but I feel that as a friend I just want you to take a very close look at what you have been doing and how it has affected your standing within the community that you are planning to live in for several years. Towards the end of my time in SJDS your reputation has become very negative around town in the business dealings and the way you have gone about it.
I feel that since I do not want to see any harm come to you that you should know I had several local guys search me out and talk to me about how they really do not like you, actually borderline hate you, and feel as though you have placed a rather large target on your head and I want you to be safe and tread lightly because of this.
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I also have to tell you that the breakdown of our personal friendship was when I was wearing a Naked Tiger hostel hat back in February that was given to me for free from Megan (both a friend and one of the owners at the time) knowing we had strong friendships and relationships with the other hostels, including PachaMama, it was when you confronted me by demanding that I choose between, 'my head or my stomach.' Unsure what this meant, you then proceeded to tell me that you wanted me to choose, because of the hat I was wearing while being a co-manager of the Surfing Donkey at the time, and that I was to choose which body part (my head or my stomach) because you then said, "I am going to hit you as HARD as I can, so choose!" When this situation occurred and there was ABSOLUTELY no humor WHATSOEVER in your complete intentions in the moment, and I could see the pure malicious hatred you had in your eyes wanting to inflict personal injury to me crossed the line SO FAR that I was extremely disappointed in you as not only a friend but as a human-being.....over a hat!
I try and think back to all of the great conversations we've had, and the excitement and passion we share and just hope that you will continue with what you set out to do in the first place, which is working with the organization that you started, and while some of us lose our sights along the way, of anything I hope that this message helps you to take a very close look at your life and put you back on the path of achieving your goal and your dream that you set out to do. I am sorry to write this because at one point we were great friends, but I feel as though I need to not have negative people in my life and therefore the reason for removing you as a friend on Facebook. |
The so-called 'head or stomach' hat
We WERE a family...
At Casa de Olas Hostel
I can't thank both Naked Tiger and PachaMama enough for the *FREE gear and loved promoting and supporting them!
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Towards the end of my time in SJDS it pains me to tell you that I was highly embarrassed and ashamed to be associated with you because of how you were so secretive with your business dealings and hurt so many business owners that considered you a friend. I truly do hope that you take what I am saying to heart and know that there are still plenty of people in SJDS that care about you and miss the Marc we all came to know and love but before all of the apologies you need to make to these other individuals you need to figure out what has been going on with you personally to have a clear conscience with genuine intentions for living life and having that happiness and smile I saw when we first began things in SJDS.
So again Marc, I wish you the best in life and hope you will return to achieving your dream of making it to South America and completing the work that makes you feel alive and passionate about. Cheers Troy."
So again Marc, I wish you the best in life and hope you will return to achieving your dream of making it to South America and completing the work that makes you feel alive and passionate about. Cheers Troy."
Capturing one of the many amazing sunsets I witnessed while living in San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua (#SJDS)
While, I left San Juan del Sur (#SJDS) with mixed feelings, I know without a doubt in my mind that I could hold my head high, as I know that I would ALWAYS be welcomed back by the many wonderful friends that call this “Nica Paradise” home. And, while this was a lesson learned, I knew that to me it was more of an ellipsis, while I felt as though Marc might have seen it as dodging a bullet, however, I knew the decisions that both Dan and Marc had followed through with–primarily in the way they went about it–that it is only going to be a matter of time before these potential ghosts will come back to haunt them and they will have no where to run and hide from the consequences that may follow–Call it Karma. Call it Fate. Call it what you will–but eventually what I do know is that when you allow greed to become your highest priority to the point that it consumes you and you could careless about how you treat others in achieving this selfish desire…judgment day will come at some point. Yes, possibly in ways of the Governator, but until that day, I’m leaving with a more positive focus as I look forward to the unknown horizon. And while, this may be put on hold for some time, I will certainly not easily forget this life lesson and have carefully kept records, because I feel that these may be necessary for in the future. But, at this point I'm just taking things step-by-step with as much of a positive outlook on things as I can, and I know that Alex, Gio, Megan, Ryan, Kas, Rosario, Tyla, and all the others that are still in SJDS will manage and of anything this will make them stronger and I loved overhearing Alex say that now he is completely focused! I hope to maybe take some of that high-powered energy with me to Panama! Que Sopa!
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