Life is a series of collisions with the future; it is not the sum of what we have been, but what we yearn to be.
– Jose Ortega y Gasset
Monday, March 31, 2015 (DAY 1,121)
Besides being a global traveler that has spent time in both Europe and Australia–obviously much easier as both an American and Western cultural countries–but I have also had the privilege to have lived in 19 different countries throughout Central and South America, South East Asia, and more than a year in Korea. Another thing that I would like to mention is that I have lived and/or stayed in over 300 hostels or guest houses internationally, therefore, in some ways I feel as though I've become a bit of whether you want to use the term expert or seasoned-veteran when it comes to communal living, and as a KAD (Korean-Adoptee), the decision to move or even visit Korea as a KAD by coming to Korea is not only something that should be YOUR choice–without that of a family member's pressure or encouragement–but more importantly your decision to move here should be carefully considered. Throughout living in Korea, primarily in a guest house with other KADS, I have experienced a variety of KADs from around the world. Yes, some people are actually surprised to learn that South Korea has the largest number of children adopted internationally since the Korean War of the 1950s, but that on average between 5,000–6,000 KADs return to Korea each year, whether that be for short-term, longer-terms, or indefinite relocation. Therefore, as a KAD and based upon MY EXPERIENCE participating in several KAD programs in Korea as well as, obviously, meeting lots of KADS from all over the world, just as anything there has been both positive and negative experiences.
First of all, the reason I HIGHLY insist that family members and/or friends DO NOT encourage other adoptees to return to Korea–even for a short trip through an organized program–because this is NOT, let me repeat that NOT, a typical vacation-style trip to us, whether accompanied with family members/friends etc. Often, I have witnessed personally, the emotional struggle and even breakdown of individuals from all ages! Secondly, please DO NOT encourage KADs to begin the process of searching for their birth family! This is HIGHLY important and needs to be an individual decision, because you MUST be:
1) Emotionally prepared for the potential outcomes–yes some are positive but I have witness and again experienced several unfortunately that have been negative and this can be a crushing blow to a person's psyche and even push them off a very fragile edge they may already be on–with or without you knowing it or signs being shown.
2) Continue to remember that no matter whether you are a parent or sibling of a KAD, even myself having two sisters that are Korean adoptees, I have asked them if the have any interest in searching for their birth families or visiting Korea, and they are still undecided, and therefore, I will not continue to bring up that subject.
Besides being a global traveler that has spent time in both Europe and Australia–obviously much easier as both an American and Western cultural countries–but I have also had the privilege to have lived in 19 different countries throughout Central and South America, South East Asia, and more than a year in Korea. Another thing that I would like to mention is that I have lived and/or stayed in over 300 hostels or guest houses internationally, therefore, in some ways I feel as though I've become a bit of whether you want to use the term expert or seasoned-veteran when it comes to communal living, and as a KAD (Korean-Adoptee), the decision to move or even visit Korea as a KAD by coming to Korea is not only something that should be YOUR choice–without that of a family member's pressure or encouragement–but more importantly your decision to move here should be carefully considered. Throughout living in Korea, primarily in a guest house with other KADS, I have experienced a variety of KADs from around the world. Yes, some people are actually surprised to learn that South Korea has the largest number of children adopted internationally since the Korean War of the 1950s, but that on average between 5,000–6,000 KADs return to Korea each year, whether that be for short-term, longer-terms, or indefinite relocation. Therefore, as a KAD and based upon MY EXPERIENCE participating in several KAD programs in Korea as well as, obviously, meeting lots of KADS from all over the world, just as anything there has been both positive and negative experiences.
First of all, the reason I HIGHLY insist that family members and/or friends DO NOT encourage other adoptees to return to Korea–even for a short trip through an organized program–because this is NOT, let me repeat that NOT, a typical vacation-style trip to us, whether accompanied with family members/friends etc. Often, I have witnessed personally, the emotional struggle and even breakdown of individuals from all ages! Secondly, please DO NOT encourage KADs to begin the process of searching for their birth family! This is HIGHLY important and needs to be an individual decision, because you MUST be:
1) Emotionally prepared for the potential outcomes–yes some are positive but I have witness and again experienced several unfortunately that have been negative and this can be a crushing blow to a person's psyche and even push them off a very fragile edge they may already be on–with or without you knowing it or signs being shown.
2) Continue to remember that no matter whether you are a parent or sibling of a KAD, even myself having two sisters that are Korean adoptees, I have asked them if the have any interest in searching for their birth families or visiting Korea, and they are still undecided, and therefore, I will not continue to bring up that subject.
Some of the things that I have witnessed–again KADs from 18-years-old as old as 40s–plus, and my two pieces of advice are: if you don't drink or do certain things at home, why on earth do you feel the need to do it, just because you are in Korea. For example, yes, Korea has a relative negative stigma as a so-called 'drinking culture' and uncanny as it may sound I've met several KADs–again of all ages–that tell me they never drink back in their home country, yet in Korea they are drinking as though they are a high school kid that got an older friend to buy them their first drink and of course they overindulge. This of course may be a coping–mechanism in my opinion, but it's something that I feel comes with the overall 'readiness' of returning to Korea upon your OWN–INDIVIDUAL decision without an external pressure or 'encouragement.'
And secondly, I know that when many KADs meet one-another, we often share the same story of growing up in predominantly Caucasian communities, therefore some of us have had limited contact with other KADS in our life, and of course we share this commonality with other KADS, BUT this does not mean that you need to be best friends with every adoptee you meet. I have been guilty of falling in to this preconception upon both my first one-month visit in October 2013 joining a small group of KADs as part of the Eastern Social Welfare Society (#ESWS) Home–to–Home Program, which was specific to an organized one-week trip of activities, which focused upon the fact that all nine of us were here to meet our birth families for the first time.
The advice I give to other KADs is; if you wouldn't hang out or spend time with this person without the knowledge of knowing they are a KAD, then why do you feel the need to continue to spend time or trust someone JUST BECAUSE of the fact that you both share this aspect of your past?
Finally, I do not want to discourage any KADs from participating or considering moving to Korea, but I think that these 15 suggestions may be things that you have hopefully already considered, or will be helpful suggestions in general to make moving abroad a more pleasant experience with ease! I know that I often stay very busy either with traveling or running and operating my own businesses, but please feel free to EMAIL ME, however I want to apologize in advance if I take quite a while in responding. This often may be due to issues that are not just due to a busy schedule, but can also be due to limited technologies in areas that I may be visiting through my travels. Also, if you haven't taken time to navigate a bit through my site I have created a LINKS PAGE FOR KADS, that may be helpful for you and/or others.
And secondly, I know that when many KADs meet one-another, we often share the same story of growing up in predominantly Caucasian communities, therefore some of us have had limited contact with other KADS in our life, and of course we share this commonality with other KADS, BUT this does not mean that you need to be best friends with every adoptee you meet. I have been guilty of falling in to this preconception upon both my first one-month visit in October 2013 joining a small group of KADs as part of the Eastern Social Welfare Society (#ESWS) Home–to–Home Program, which was specific to an organized one-week trip of activities, which focused upon the fact that all nine of us were here to meet our birth families for the first time.
The advice I give to other KADs is; if you wouldn't hang out or spend time with this person without the knowledge of knowing they are a KAD, then why do you feel the need to continue to spend time or trust someone JUST BECAUSE of the fact that you both share this aspect of your past?
Finally, I do not want to discourage any KADs from participating or considering moving to Korea, but I think that these 15 suggestions may be things that you have hopefully already considered, or will be helpful suggestions in general to make moving abroad a more pleasant experience with ease! I know that I often stay very busy either with traveling or running and operating my own businesses, but please feel free to EMAIL ME, however I want to apologize in advance if I take quite a while in responding. This often may be due to issues that are not just due to a busy schedule, but can also be due to limited technologies in areas that I may be visiting through my travels. Also, if you haven't taken time to navigate a bit through my site I have created a LINKS PAGE FOR KADS, that may be helpful for you and/or others.
1. CULTURAL AWARENESS
If you haven't experienced any type of international travel, and Korea is your first experience, first of all, this is both good and bad;
THE BAD: Through my personal experience of global travel (35 different countries at this point, living abroad in 19 of them) as I mentioned of Western countries, not just English speaking countries, but Western ones, since most KADs were adopted and grew up in Western countries, in my opinion there is the largest difference as you hear between the East and West dichotomy. It's not just language but an entirely different mindset, cultural differences, etiquette, and social expectations.
THE GOOD: Korea, in my opinion is the SAFEST country I have traveled or lived in–even for a megacity such as Seoul, which is the world's second largest metropolitan area with over 25.6 million people, or a city that is twice the population density of New York City–and when I mean safe, I consider things such as; petty crime or theft (i.e. pickpocketing), sexual harassment or gender equality (yes, Korea like most of Asia is still a patriarch society in a lot of ways, but changes are occurring, however, keep this in mind as a feminist or strong female).
THE BAD: Through my personal experience of global travel (35 different countries at this point, living abroad in 19 of them) as I mentioned of Western countries, not just English speaking countries, but Western ones, since most KADs were adopted and grew up in Western countries, in my opinion there is the largest difference as you hear between the East and West dichotomy. It's not just language but an entirely different mindset, cultural differences, etiquette, and social expectations.
THE GOOD: Korea, in my opinion is the SAFEST country I have traveled or lived in–even for a megacity such as Seoul, which is the world's second largest metropolitan area with over 25.6 million people, or a city that is twice the population density of New York City–and when I mean safe, I consider things such as; petty crime or theft (i.e. pickpocketing), sexual harassment or gender equality (yes, Korea like most of Asia is still a patriarch society in a lot of ways, but changes are occurring, however, keep this in mind as a feminist or strong female).
2. SHORT VISITS ARE NOT TRUE INDICATORS OF BEING A KAD LIVING IN KOREA
All too often KADs return to Korea for the first time as part of an organized group (small or large) and this is a great experience, HOWEVER, this is not a true indication of what it is truly like living in Korea as a gyopo (교포), a term that some feel is very negative and others just embrace. I myself have been guilty of this same sort of ignorance. My first trip was a one-month trip, but was primarily focused upon the one-week organized Home to Home program in 2013 through Eastern Social Welfare Society (#ESWS), and upon returning in April 2014 and deciding to live in Korea for an indefinite amount of time both to experience more of where I came from and also as a traveler this is one country I have the opportunity to work legally after obtaining my F4 Visa status.
I would like to also mention that above ANYTHING, in Korea, like most Asian countries it all about respect! Therefore, speaking loudly as Americans often are known for can be seen as extremely rude plus many other levels of etiquette. As I said, organized tours with other KADs are not a true indication of living in Korea as a KAD, because as sad as it may sound we are treated like SECOND-CLASS citizens! Yes, you look Korea, you have Korean pride and often a strong bond to this country as a KAD–this is normal and natural and the commonality that ties us all together as KADs regardless of where we grew up in the world–however please keep in mind that YOUR actions affect those of us KADs that are living in Korea, and because Korea is still very much a homogeneous society, often the only or first interactions that other Koreans may have with KADs can be negative and thereby stereotyping us as an entire group! So PLEASE be aware of this fact, because at some point in your life you may want to return whether for future short-term stays, long-term, or indefinite, and thereby in doing so YOUR previous actions have consequences or repercussions either positive or negative.
When I say treatment like second-class citizens, for example my roommate Jacob that has lived in Korea continuously for nearly or more than two-years explained it as, "if a white person tries to speak Korean other Koreans will stand around and encourage and clap like trained seals would, but if a KAD does the same, you're looked at as if you are mentally challenged (the non PC version, retarded) because of how you look, you are thereby EXPECTED to understand cultural etiquette, customs, and of course the language. And, even when you try and speak Korean, obviously you have an accent, and they look at you as to why this is the case and question you! Plus as much as KADs will continue to say 'I'm Korean' which is true, to most Koreans you are still viewed as a foreigner, PERIOD.
I would like to also mention that above ANYTHING, in Korea, like most Asian countries it all about respect! Therefore, speaking loudly as Americans often are known for can be seen as extremely rude plus many other levels of etiquette. As I said, organized tours with other KADs are not a true indication of living in Korea as a KAD, because as sad as it may sound we are treated like SECOND-CLASS citizens! Yes, you look Korea, you have Korean pride and often a strong bond to this country as a KAD–this is normal and natural and the commonality that ties us all together as KADs regardless of where we grew up in the world–however please keep in mind that YOUR actions affect those of us KADs that are living in Korea, and because Korea is still very much a homogeneous society, often the only or first interactions that other Koreans may have with KADs can be negative and thereby stereotyping us as an entire group! So PLEASE be aware of this fact, because at some point in your life you may want to return whether for future short-term stays, long-term, or indefinite, and thereby in doing so YOUR previous actions have consequences or repercussions either positive or negative.
When I say treatment like second-class citizens, for example my roommate Jacob that has lived in Korea continuously for nearly or more than two-years explained it as, "if a white person tries to speak Korean other Koreans will stand around and encourage and clap like trained seals would, but if a KAD does the same, you're looked at as if you are mentally challenged (the non PC version, retarded) because of how you look, you are thereby EXPECTED to understand cultural etiquette, customs, and of course the language. And, even when you try and speak Korean, obviously you have an accent, and they look at you as to why this is the case and question you! Plus as much as KADs will continue to say 'I'm Korean' which is true, to most Koreans you are still viewed as a foreigner, PERIOD.
3. GUEST HOUSE LIVING
If you have lived with roommates, that's already a plus, but if you choose to take advantage of the various guest houses that are established through organizations specifically for KADs you are most likely going to be sleeping in a bunk bed, sharing a room with other people. This can obviously cause friction and be a complete change in your previous living environment and expectation. Therefore, SIMPLE, have a good strong mental attitude of what COMMUNAL LIVING is like, and do simple things; clean up after yourself, wash and put away your dishes, ask your roommates about their schedule when taking turns using the bathroom for showers, because again many of us that are living here are also working or studying and we have a schedule, and often an annoyance to us can be when other KADs come for a visit and disrespect that we live here on a more long-term or permanent basis! So again in order to gain respect you MUST also give it! Besides the cultural differences with Korean nationals, you also have the added cultural differences and levels of expectations with other KADs you may be sharing a room or living environment with, so just be aware of these things and they will help you NOT to be ostracized in your guest house. I wrote another blog a while back labeled '5 Suggestions for Adjusting to Hostel Life."
4. DO YOUR RESEARCH
Do you r research before just deciding to move here: things to consider are banking issues (what will your bank do back in your home country if your card becomes lost, stolen, or the number compromised), medical check-ups or if you take prescription medication taking a doctors note to a pharmacy in Korea may or may not be honored, figure out transportation (from your home country as well as from the airport to wherever your final destination, which is normally Seoul), and etc. and etc.
5. F4 VISA PROCESS
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There are several organizations that can assist you with this, which I tried to utilize G.O.A.L. (Global Overseas Adoption Link), however my personal experience with them was HORRIBLE as they made empty promises, wasted a month of my time, continued to harass me in paying for their membership fee, and more. Therefore I did this on my own and had it completed in less than 3-hours and it took about 3-weeks to process through the Seoul Immigration Office aka Korean Government of course. I have mixed feelings about the organizations 'paid memberships.' Yes, of course I understand most are non-profit, but in my personal opinion the level of support and how funds are often used can be a question of ethics. Not specifically promoting one organization over another, but I did have a lot of FREE assistance with Eastern Social Welfare Society (#ESWS)
6. BANKING AND FINANCES
Very simple, GO INTO your nearest bank location and speak with a personal banker notifying them of your plan to move aboard. They should have suggestions and answers to your financial questions. For example a a veteran global backpacker, I actually interviewed banks to find the best one to support me on an international level and one question I proposed to them–again I understand is different knowing you would be coming to Korea, but again it's an example–was asking, "Select THE MOST difficult place on the entire planet. I need a new bank card! How long will it take to receive it? What will YOU as MY bank do in the meantime as I wait for a new card to arrive? And, what are the overall fees including if you were to have the option of an international wire transfer such as with Western Union, WHO incurs the fees?
7. DOCUMENTS
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Once again moving abroad you may need original documents, BUT at the very least you will want digital files that are encrypted. Some of these documents for Korea, especially those seeking to teach English either through public or private schools as well as private English academies aka Hagwons (학원) are; apostilled documents (including a FBI criminal background check hard copy), possibly official University transcripts and/or original University diploma, medical records (World Health Organization Yellow Book), and various others potentially. Again, going back to doing your own research.
8. CONTINGENCY PLAN
Both with having your finances in order, it's also important to have a contingency plan in case of things such as; do you have the proper savings to return home on an expensive flight, in case of a sudden serious family illness or death? Do you have a previous professional career you can return to or fall back upon? If you were just to become overwhelmed with homesickness or loneliness and even though your plan was to move to Korea for given period of time and you want to return early, again WHAT is your contingency plan(s)?
9. YOUR PURPOSE
I think this is one of the most important questions. I've asked several KADs, so WHY did you decide to return to Korea, especially for the first time? And all too often people do not have an answer to this question. I think before making such a big decision you should really take time to evaluate and even discuss with close family or a mentor(s) about this relatively big decision? Remember it's not just a trip, but you are considering MOVING ABROAD!
10. MANAGING EXPECTATIONS
Sadly, many of the wonderful social workers at both Eastern Social Welfare Society in the Post Adoption Services office are not only awfully understaffed, there are only five or six social or case workers, and they receive hundreds if not thousands of requests a year from KADs from all over the world, thus the reason it often takes years to locate your birth family. Also, having an opportunity to come back to Korea and both volunteer with #ESWS and build a relationship with the social workers here, they often tell me of HORRIBLE stories of KADs that email them with enormous expectations that turn to verbal or written abuse and often brings them to tears! SO again BE RESPECTFUL people! These understaffed, overworked, and underpaid individuals are here for us as KADs so realize that, PLEASE!
11. PHONE AND COMMUNICATION
This is getting easier as more of the newer phones allow for universal or global use, meaning no longer limited to GSM or CDMA style networks, but capabilities of both and understanding the differences of global communication systems. This can determine whether that older or brand new iPhone, Samsung, etc will actually work in Korea. Again DO YOUR RESEARCH!
12. EDUCATION AND SKILLS
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If you are from a native English speaking country AND you have completed your Bachelor's degree you have both an opportunity to work as a Private 1:1 English Tutor or gain employment with a school in Korea. BUT, before just showing up you need to again DO YOUR RESEARCH! What documents are required? What are the various types of salaries and benefits being offered? Is this a public or private school or again a Hagwon? Here is an example of how Hagwons can sometimes be a bad decision, and others. This is not like your home country where you can easily just get a job part time or full time with or without completing your higher education. The average LEGAL foreigner jobs pay between ₩5,000–₩6,000 ($4.50–$5.48 *current rates as of April 9, 2015) per hour. Yeah, seriously. And, even if you had a previous professional background that SHOULD entitle you to continue working in this field or industry, you typically are required to have a certain level of Korean language skills or TOPIK (Test of Proficiency in Korean) and most companies require a TOPIK score or level of at least 3 or higher, which can be quite difficult and long to achieve. This is where you may have to make the decision to dedicate time to study, even with a scholarship. But, then again how are you supporting yourself financially in a country that can be expensive?
13. PATIENCE
Plain and simple; new county, new culture, language barrier, etc. you WILL need to have patience to get things done! PERIOD!
14. SUPPORT SYSTEM
Search out different organizations both in your home country and in Korea. This goes back again to DOING YOUR RESEARCH and I've tried to help out people, since even upon my first trip to Korea in October 2013, I had no idea that, number one; there were so many KADs living in Korea and two; that there are quite a few organizations. Here is the link I created and try to update as I can with INFORMATION LINKS FOR KOREAN ADOPTEES #KADS
15. PACKING
Once again if you are moving to Korea and planning to stay in a guest house or even rent your own apartment, the steretype or whatever you want to call it, space is small and limited, therefore be mindful of what you bring and also realize that Seoul is a MAJOR international city, therefore you can get many of the items you need and/or order them online.
In closing, I hope that these suggestions will raise questions and help you in either considering or in preparation of moving to Korea as KAD! Haejuseyo (해주세요)
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(*TO THE RIGHT) There is a PDF that describes HOW and WHAT items are allowed to be sent to Korea as Care Packages, including packages can be sent to Eastern Social Welfare Society Agency in Seoul and picked up if you give them advance notice, but more than anything it describes the process and you can use the ESWS address in English as an example of how to fill out an address correctly for Seoul.
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