What you can become depends upon what you can overcome. – Anthony Douglas Williams
Tuesday, October 29, 2013 (DAY 603)
Today, I have chosen not to include a general topic related to travel information or budget backpacking, but today, I have chosen to share an intimate part of my life. This is the story of my adoption and being reunited with my birth mother, where it has been close to 31 years, 9 months, and roughly 8 days since the last time my birth mother has seen me. And, for as much of my life through my backpacking and travel experiences has become public on the Internet, for those that know me best I still tend to remain a relatively private person. While I have not shared this story with many, it has been a long time coming, so please enjoy my adoption story.
It all began around the Summer of 2011, when I started the process and search for my birthparents with Jan Dunn from Dillon International. Prior to doing this, I spoke extensively with both my adoptive parents and with both of my sisters, whom are also Korean adoptees, however none of us are blood related, and as I had hoped everyone was very supportive in my desire to locate and hopefully be reunited with my birthparents.
Today, I have chosen not to include a general topic related to travel information or budget backpacking, but today, I have chosen to share an intimate part of my life. This is the story of my adoption and being reunited with my birth mother, where it has been close to 31 years, 9 months, and roughly 8 days since the last time my birth mother has seen me. And, for as much of my life through my backpacking and travel experiences has become public on the Internet, for those that know me best I still tend to remain a relatively private person. While I have not shared this story with many, it has been a long time coming, so please enjoy my adoption story.
It all began around the Summer of 2011, when I started the process and search for my birthparents with Jan Dunn from Dillon International. Prior to doing this, I spoke extensively with both my adoptive parents and with both of my sisters, whom are also Korean adoptees, however none of us are blood related, and as I had hoped everyone was very supportive in my desire to locate and hopefully be reunited with my birthparents.
Arriving at Stapleton Int'l Airport on May 21, 1982
Like most adoptees, I have two birthdays and two names. I was born at home in the southern city of Yeosu, South Korea and later given the name Seung Chul Lee. I was born around 7:30am on what I can only expect was a cold morning in January. My mother was only 19 years-old at the time, while my birth father was 27 years-old. However at the time of my birth, my father had already been absent from my life because while my mother was six-months pregnant with me, he abandoned her–us. I lived at home for about 5-days as my mother contemplated painfully what would be the best future for me, since I was her first born child. She finally made the decision to place me for adoption with Eastern Social Welfare Society (ESWS) with a set of specific instructions–she wanted me to be adopted by an American family.
The celebration of my second birthday ocurred four months later on May 21, 1982 at Stapleton International Airport in Denver, Colorado as I was born to Karen and Dale Hendershott and given the name Troy. I had your typical childhood growing up in the Colorado suburbs; riding bikes with neighborhood friends, participating in all of the various pee-wee sports programs, arguing and teasing my sisters, and of course being taught that there is no other team than the Denver Broncos. I did, unfortunately, experience many negatives situations that I often kept hidden from my parents, because I felt as though they could not possibility relate. It was everything that you could imagine–being made fun of as people brought their fingers to their eyes sloping them at you, the verbal racial slurs, bowing or making stereotypical gestures or comments as a form of mocking you, plus a variety of other things just because of how I looked physically. That’s why I continue to say that it’s very difficult, if not nearly impossible, to explain to others how it feels to be a Korean adoptee specifically.
The celebration of my second birthday ocurred four months later on May 21, 1982 at Stapleton International Airport in Denver, Colorado as I was born to Karen and Dale Hendershott and given the name Troy. I had your typical childhood growing up in the Colorado suburbs; riding bikes with neighborhood friends, participating in all of the various pee-wee sports programs, arguing and teasing my sisters, and of course being taught that there is no other team than the Denver Broncos. I did, unfortunately, experience many negatives situations that I often kept hidden from my parents, because I felt as though they could not possibility relate. It was everything that you could imagine–being made fun of as people brought their fingers to their eyes sloping them at you, the verbal racial slurs, bowing or making stereotypical gestures or comments as a form of mocking you, plus a variety of other things just because of how I looked physically. That’s why I continue to say that it’s very difficult, if not nearly impossible, to explain to others how it feels to be a Korean adoptee specifically.
Outside of Eastern Social Welfare Society (ESWS)
However today I have awoken in a place unlike any I have experienced in all of my travels–a house filled with other Korean adoptees where we share more similar than different stories. Even though I arrived here the day before and many were arriving late in to the evening, we did have brief chances to get introduced and share a little about where each of us were from–California, Pennsylvania, New York, and a lone Australian. We all agreed that it was such an interesting and surreal environment to be in, knowing that we are all connected through such a significant part of our past and sharing much of the same identity.
Finding it difficult to sleep–as most of us did, I climb out of bed around 7:40am and after a hot shower I begin to organize my things together for a day that I already know I will never forget. Checking to make sure my camera and iPhone are fully charged, I head downstairs and find Mikey from California, but originally from Fort Collins, Colorado, as well as the twins from New York, Danielle and Kaitlynn, all sitting around the kitchen table. Yawns abound as feelings of mixed emotions and excitement are coupled with strong cups of coffee. Just before 9am the four of us are lead out by Crystal and we take the 15-minute walk to the ESWS headquaters. Since there is an organized itinerary for all of us that are participating in the Home to Home Program, we are sectioned into four groups. I believe that this is due to the limited number of volunteers that are acting as translators. Fortunately, I suppose for the sake of nerves, I am in group #1 along with my brekkie mates. As we walk along the bustling city street, Kaitlynn says that this part of the city reminds her of Queens in New York. I tell her that I agree as I spent time a few weeks staying in Rego Park back in 2010 when my friend Kevin’s brother and his wife lived there and we went to visit over the Summer. We begin discussing who we are expecting to meet, and I am surprised when the twins from New York are meeting both their mom and their sister which is their triplet. Mike has an older brother that has been to Korea before and has already met their biological family, so he was taken around the city last night with one of his brothers and today was meeting both his mother and father plus a few other family members. I tell everyone that I am unsure if my half brother and half sister will be joining my mother today or not. Before we know it, we are standing outside of Eastern and for the rest of the group this is their first time seeing the large banner that hangs on the outside of the building.
Finding it difficult to sleep–as most of us did, I climb out of bed around 7:40am and after a hot shower I begin to organize my things together for a day that I already know I will never forget. Checking to make sure my camera and iPhone are fully charged, I head downstairs and find Mikey from California, but originally from Fort Collins, Colorado, as well as the twins from New York, Danielle and Kaitlynn, all sitting around the kitchen table. Yawns abound as feelings of mixed emotions and excitement are coupled with strong cups of coffee. Just before 9am the four of us are lead out by Crystal and we take the 15-minute walk to the ESWS headquaters. Since there is an organized itinerary for all of us that are participating in the Home to Home Program, we are sectioned into four groups. I believe that this is due to the limited number of volunteers that are acting as translators. Fortunately, I suppose for the sake of nerves, I am in group #1 along with my brekkie mates. As we walk along the bustling city street, Kaitlynn says that this part of the city reminds her of Queens in New York. I tell her that I agree as I spent time a few weeks staying in Rego Park back in 2010 when my friend Kevin’s brother and his wife lived there and we went to visit over the Summer. We begin discussing who we are expecting to meet, and I am surprised when the twins from New York are meeting both their mom and their sister which is their triplet. Mike has an older brother that has been to Korea before and has already met their biological family, so he was taken around the city last night with one of his brothers and today was meeting both his mother and father plus a few other family members. I tell everyone that I am unsure if my half brother and half sister will be joining my mother today or not. Before we know it, we are standing outside of Eastern and for the rest of the group this is their first time seeing the large banner that hangs on the outside of the building.
The email I received while in Nicaragua notifying me of locating my birth family
My social worker at #ESWS, Ms. Kang, that assisted me with my birth family reunion
We are greeted by a few volunteers before being lead to one of the counseling or post-adoption family meeting rooms. Upon entering you notice that there are two couches facing one another with plenty of tissue boxes on the table. There is also a small table with four chairs against the open window along the wall. Sitting nervously, Ms. Kang comes in and we are told that in a few short minutes a volunteer that is designated for each of us will be showing us to separate rooms, and that they are briefing the family members now and then she leaves. This only makes us more anxious. Thinking the minutes may tick away like passing hours, suddenly Ms. Kang bursts through the door with the volunteers and begins directing us with whom to follow. With little time to think, I am walking down the hallway as Ms. Kang tells me that she will be my translator for today. Thinking we are walking through a door to a small room like the one we were just in, it is actually the room where they are briefing the parents. Almost unable to breath, four faces turn and stare in our direction as we come through the door and I know my mother is one of these faces looking back at me.
One of the first hugs I shared with my mom
As the group of parents gets up and begins walking back, I notice one woman looking directly at me smiling and I can already sense that this is my mother. Ms. Kang introduces us right there–not waiting to get us to the more intimate counseling room–we share in a long hug that is followed by some tears. As we walk through a set of doors and past some other desks to the corner of the building, my mother cannot let go of my hand. I keep smiling as we enter the small room that has two chairs set up on each side of a white table. I let my mom take her seat and sit next to her as Ms. Kang sits across from us. The entire time my mother cannot let go of me and tells us that she feels as though she is dreaming. The conversation moves slowly as expected with all of the translating. Unsure of what to expect from our first meeting, my mother asks if I would like to come down to stay with her for a night in Iksan, a city in the Southwest part of the country that is situated on the Okgu and Keumman Plains and leads to the West Sea (Yellow Sea). Excited by this unexpected invitation, I tell her that I would love to visit. Discussing this with Ms. Kang we’ve decided that the weekend would be the best time, since it is 3-hours by bus or 90-minutes by the Korean Train Express (KTX) from Seoul. The plan is formulated and agreed upon is that on Friday, my mother will return to the capitol and stay overnight and on Saturday morning we will return to where she lives and I will return to Seoul on Sunday. Ms. Kang informs us that Eastern will be able to provide us a volunteer translator for most of the day Saturday, but not Saturday night or Sunday. She also tells me that I should probably book my return ticket for Sunday in advance since that will most likely be a busy commuting day for others that are returning to Seoul. After this is finalized a series of back and forth questions are exchanged and before we all realize it a person is knocking on the door to let us know that the van downstairs is waiting to take us to the restaurant for lunch.
Another long embrace
Sharing the van with the girls from New York, there are two conversations going as we begin the short drive through the narrow neighborhood streets–one in Korean and one in English. I tell the twins that their sister does look like them and when they are all together it’s obvious they are triplets. As we arrived at the traditional Korean restaurant, I wish I could tell you the name but I had a little much going through my head at the time, my mother still is clasping my hands and I cannot help but feel like a proud son to her. The restaurant is similar to others I have already visited in Seoul, since I have been in the city for almost two-weeks, but this time we are lead into a private room where we are required to take off our shoes, and it has the low sitting tables with cushions on the floor. Our meal is Bulgogi (불고기), which is thinly sliced or shredded beef marinated in soy sauce, sesame oil, garlic, sugar, green onions and black pepper, cooked on a grill at our the table. Bulgogi literally means "fire meat". Variations may include pork (Dweji bulgogi), chicken (Dak bulgogi), or squid (Ojingeo bulgogi), I believe we have the entire mixture. As we sit down to eat, I have failed to mention that we also have a new translator volunteer, Hanah, who had previous worked for ESWS for the past 15-years before moving to New York with her husband for a year and has recently returned to Seoul, but is not returning to work with ESWS full time as she is a full time mommy of two.
Lunch at a nearby restaurant with my mom and our volunteer translator
The meal is tasty, but we are more concerned with the conversation that we have been waiting years for. We talk about how and where I grew up, I asked about her children, we discussed my travels, and I learned that my mother is quite the cook and would one day like to open her own restaurant. At one point my mother asks if we can order a beer because she’s still a bit nervous, laughing I say that has to be my mom. As the dishes begin to be cleared from the table and since we have our volunteer translator until 3pm (almost another few hours), we decide to find a nearby coffee shop and continue the conversation. During our conversation at the Coffee Bene, my mother told me that for several years she tried to search for me. This was also when I learned that my Korean name, Seung Chul Lee, was not given to me by her, but by Eastern Social Welfare Services, and this was the primary reason she was unsuccessful in locating and contacting me.
Eastern Social Welfare Society, Inc. (ESWS) is a non-profit organization, licensed by the Ministry of Health and Welfare of the Korean Government. Chairman of the Board: Kim, Dojong, Ph.D. Editor: Na, Hyemin President: Kim, Jinsook, Ph.D. Special thanks to: Christina Saia Chief Editor: Kim, Tae-Kyoung Printed: Namkang ESWS Founded: March 18, 1972 Website: www.eastern.or.kr/english Email: postadoption@eastern.or.kr
Enjoying getting to know one another with our translator
Over the years of attempting to search for which family and where I had been adopted to in the States, she eventually had given up hope. I asked her how she felt when ESWS contacted her to let her know that I was searching for her? She said that she was overcome with joy and thanked God that I was alive and healthy and wanted to meet her. When it was time to depart, we slowly strolled to the subway station, once again her hands clasped around mine and there was a long embrace. Not wanting to let one another go, I told her that I am excited for Friday and the weekend, and as I had to be the first to walk away, once I reached about the middle of that block I turned back and she was still standing there watching me as if I were a child walking off to school. She waved at me and I couldn’t help but be overcome with emotion.
I have just recently written a blog for KADs that are interested in moving to Korea either short-term or indefinitely, if you are interest please read:
The video below is is Melissa 'Mila' Konomos' Birth Family Reunion, which took more than 7-years various non-profit organizations (#DillonInternational) in the United States and Eastern Social Welfare Society (#ESWS) in Seoul. This was also the video that inspired and encouraged me to begin my birth family search, which took me close to 2-years.
The video below is by Pierre a French-Korean adoptee, and does a great job of the importance to many of us that are adopted and why we have come back, please watch.
우리가 돌아왔다 (We Came Back) from Pierre OGERON on Vimeo.
To learn more about ESWS here is a short promotional video that talks about the history and if you can this is an excellent organization to support financially and I encourage family and friends to please do so HERE.
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